What Not

After months of uncertainty, the new owner has emerged for the Swedish niche brand, SAAB. And they aren’t stopping with just one GM brand, they also picked up Buick as a part of the deal. Lexus USA spokesman, Bob Roberts says that after the merge, the new company will be called … BLAAB!

Q: How many car salesmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I’m going to work this out on my calculator, and I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Q: What does CHRYSLER stand for?
A: Company Has Recommended You Start Learning Engine Repair

Q: What does DODGE stand for?
A: Doing Overhauls Daily Gets Expensive

Q: What does FIAT stand for?
A: Found In A Trashcan

Q: What does MERCEDES stand for?
A:Most Expensive Road Car Everyone Drives Except Steve

Q: What does SAAB stand for?
A: Styling Absent After Buyout (GM that is)

Q: Know why the British don’t make computers?
A: They couldn’t figure out how to make them leak oil!

A guy walks into a parts store and says “I’d like to get a gas cap for my Yugo” and the parts guy says, “Okay, that sounds like a fair trade.”

“Back when Toyota was designing the original Lexus LS400, they had a test they used to check quality. They would put a cat in a car in the evening, go home, and when they got back the next morning, if the cat was dead they knew the car was airtight. We decided to try that with a New Yorker. When we got back the next morning, the cat was gone.”

h/t Gordon Dixon

The other day, I watched a funny video on YouTube. A comedian named Tim Hawkin put together a video of popular songs of the past shortened to one verse each. After hearing his version of “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald,” I began to think of ways to sing about GM’s recent woes.

Click here to experience the results.

There I was this morning in the main office, eyeing the bagels some kind soul had brought to work. What a thoughtful person! I love bagels … especially when they’re warm with a touch of butter. But there was no tub of butter available today. Instead, there were three small tubs of cream cheese. The one that caught my eye looked like strawberry flavored cream cheese. Ooh la la! I had brought in bagels a few weeks back along with a strawbeery tub of cream cheese. So, I knew how good that could be. Add to that the already good taste of the blueberry bagel I had instinctively grabbed. Mm Mmmm….

After spreading the cream cheese on both sides of the bagel, I smashed them together before taking a big bite. Mm Mmmm … hmmm? That wasn’t quite what I was expecting. Was that bacon flavored? What was that? Oh … yuck! I didn’t know they made that flavor! Take it from me. From now on, I’ll read the label first. Blueberry bagels and salmon flavored cream cheese just don’t go together!