Q: How many car salesmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Let’s see. I’ll tell you what. I’m going to work this out on my calculator, and I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Q: What does BMW stand for?
A: Broke My Wallet

Q: What does CADILLAC stand for?
A: Company Always Denies Its Lawful Liability After Collisions

Q: What does CHRYSLER stand for?
A: Company Has Recommended You Start Learning Engine Repair

Q: What does DODGE stand for?
A: Doing Overhauls Daily Gets Expensive

Q: What does FIAT stand for?
A: Found In A Trashcan

Q: What does HONDA stand for?
A: Had One, Never Did Again

Q: What does JAGUAR stand for?
A: Just Another Gearbox Under Annual Repair

Q: What does MERCEDES stand for?
A: Many Expensive Repairs Can Eventually Discourage Extra Sales

Q: What does SAAB stand for?
A: Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown

Q: What does SATURN stand for?
A: Same American Trash Under Revised Name

Q: What does TOYOTA stand for?
A: The One You Ought To Avoid

Q: What does VOLVO stand for?
A: Vastly Overpriced Loses Value Overnight

Q: Know why the British don’t make computers?
A: They couldn’t figure out how to make them leak oil!

A guy walks into a parts store and says “I’d like to get a gas cap for my Yugo” and the parts guy says, “Okay, that sounds like a fair trade.”

“Back when Toyota was designing the original Lexus LS400, they had a test they used to check quality. They would put a cat in a car in the evening, go home, and when they got back the next morning, if the cat was dead they knew the car was airtight. We decided to try that with a New Yorker. When we got back the next morning, the cat was gone.”